Tonight was a blast. I had two different contacts in, four and a half hours of sleep, and burning urine to boot, but the past twelve hours were dramaless. I didn't talk to one friend, only my cousin Alexis and family. Someone we saw today said they remembered her as "the ten year old who doesn't look 10." I like to think of her as the 10 year old who doesn't act 10.

Except when we were both not acting our age in the candy aisle of the last bargain store.

Tonight's driving around was nice. It wasn't too hot out, and I had coffee so I felt thoughtful. I couldn't think of anything besides my humor. I'm not sad. No, I am not sad. Not over Mike, not over my unemployment. I'm not sad because my grandma doesn't want me to sell my bronco for something more reliable. I'm not sad that I can't have sex. The thing is, I'm sort of happy. Stressed, but happy. I have my foot in the door - college. It's actually happening. (CLEP is just an offshoot of the actual experience, so is stress just a minor offshoot of the overall happy bubble thing?). REAL school. REAL information. REAL direction. I see myself, from middle school into high school, on one of those gerbil running wheels, with a stake shoved through one of those gratings, so I could never really move the wheel.

Soon enough I'll have it spinning off the hinges.

back N forth//back N forth

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