Last night ended graspingly. I put on those headphones knowing that it'd make me think of him. I don't know if my heartstrings are being cut because I'm in his territory now, or because I'm on my period. He has homefield advantage and doesn't even know he's in the game still.

Another thing that brought me down a notch was my hair. I kept pulling at the ends, seeing if I could make it long again. I know, I know, I was being childish. But my hair is like my own little tree, it really does tell a story. Somewhere in there my hair was at it's longest when I first saw Chris. I lost my virginity with that hair. I scored excellently on the ACTs with that hair. That hair was unruly and self-governing. That hair had a job to do.

And now it's all gone. When I look in the mirror, I don't see the same person. This hair isn't unruly, and I'm not so sure I live by my own standards anymore. I feel more compromising and shy again. Just because my hair is different, I feel changed as a person. I never would've thought I could make myself feel so flaky.

*Still hoping that it's PMS*

back N forth//back N forth

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